How Shauna Niequist Inspired Me
I have been reading Savor, a book of devotions by Shauna Niequist the past few days. Oh my goodness! Have you ever picked up a devotional book, turned to that day’s date, and it was exactly what you needed to hear? Well, that is what it was like for me a few days ago.
I had been sick for two weeks since getting back from a mission trip to Tijuana, Mexico with 80 high school students. I was feeling so frustrated that my body was still exhausted from this trip. The first devotion I read from Savor talked about giving yourself permission to be tired, and the second posed the question, “Where do I place my worth?”
I have long known that I put my worth in how much I can accomplish. I was proud to be the girl in college who worked two jobs and did an internship her senior year. It felt good to be able to juggle so many schedules and still stay afloat.
Fast-forward a few years to the girl who only works 20 hours a week and is extremely insecure about the fact that I feel like I am not doing enough. I diligently fill my schedule with things, so that from the outside I look busy. I look like I am doing enough. I want people to think I am good enough, but I am exhausted of trying to prove myself.
This is the problem with placing your worth in what you can do and accomplish. Sure it feels good when there is a lot going on and you’re managing it, but what happens when that thing you’ve been placing your worth in goes away? You are left empty and tired and insecure.
I need to give myself permission to not do anything and realize that my worth does not change because of that.
I need to give myself permission to be tired.
I need to give myself permission to rest and be ok with the fact that I need it.
This is so hard for me to learn, and I feel like I constantly come back to wrestling with rest. If you are reading this and you relate to these feelings, I hope you know deep down that you are enough. You don’t need to prove yourself with all the things you can accomplish. You are worthy and are a beautiful child of God. He is not looking to see how much you can do. He looks down on you with eyes of love for the child that He has created exactly as you are. Today, give yourself some rest and the permission to be tired.
This week my life seems to be back to normal. My body has been able to wake up early and get back into my morning routine. I have energy again and felt excited to bake a Jewish Apple Cake yesterday morning. This cake is a Pennsylvania Dutch recipe. My grandparents were from Pennsylvania, and I wonder if this is why I love this recipe so much.
As I made the cake, the world seemed to make sense again as I mixed the ingredients, cut the apples, layered it into a Bundt pan, and watched it cook in the oven. I cut myself a piece and was able to slowly enjoy it with my cup of coffee. I hate being sick. It is literally the worst, but I am grateful it forces me to rest. To stop the busyness and remember that I am still valuable and worthy even when I am stuck in bed and unable to do the things I want to do.
This post was inspired by Savor, Living Abundantly Where You Are, As You Are by Shauna Niequist.